Sometimes

Argh.. woke up to a rainy morning...
N my mood is..emo... :\

sometimes...
I just wish I can just separate myself from everyone here..so I won't easily get upset or jealous when I see people having fun without me :(
That's another reason I choose to be a cabin crew...to eliminate myself from the people here...I don't have to see anyone that often..I can live my life with freedom and alone..I can meet different people everyday..n everyday is a different batch of people... my friends won't repeat! Hence it's less the jealousy...

Argh...I really hate it when I think childish like this..but I just can't help it! I'm just so afraid to feel leftout.. to feel alone..like nobody wants to be my friend...sometimes I feel that I don't even have a best friend..I dont like to stay home so much..i like to go out as often as i can..i like to take photos n post them up..doing this makes me feel that I exists..and by going out..its the only time I can smile n laugh..I guess my past really hurt me n made me have this shadow that haunts me every now n then.. I get a lot of people who bumps into me n says I always smile a lot...yeah...but behind those smiles is just a girl who is depressed...

so I wish that I can fly faster...then I don't have to face anyone here.. I can live an independent life and don't feel lonely or upset if anyone doesn't find me..instead..I will disappear from them..