Life in an LDR relationship?

Wonder what its like?
I'm wondering too for the fact that it's our first time trying it at the same time..
Honestly what I can say now is, after being 2 weeks apart from each other..so much emotions has been felt..I don't know about him but for me..a train wreck..

The countless worries floods my head..Wondering what he's doing..how is this going to work..
considering the fact that I couldn't go over to see him..the fact that he might be talking to girls more then me.. The sudden 360 degree change burns me in every way..He doesn't seem to want to talk to me as often as he did..or so I thought. He doesn't seem so enthusiastic talking to me anymore what more me coming over to visit him? The idea seems to scare him and it gives me the feeling that he doesn't know what he wanted yet and he's not so sure about me.. It felt like it was just me trying to keep the conversation between us alive and that he wasn't putting any effort into US.

This scares me to the core..
And the thought of why would I want to spend my time waiting for someone to love me back from 6293miles away when I could get someone here in Singapore to love me and want me as I desired? What am I fighting for? Why do I wanna stay? I guess when you have feelings on someone its just hard to just let go.. I don't want to push him away like I did before.. I don't wanna run away from the pain that haunts me from my past.. Being afraid of the pain is part of the process it seems. If I don't buck up my belt and enter this emotional war zone.. I will never know if we will work out..I will never know if I have just accidentally let go of the one thing that makes butterflies flutter in my stomach. I have once again made a mistake of falling for a person before they actually do. I have once again made myself step into a position where HURT is tend to happen. But since I'm here now..All I can do is to stay strong..know what I want, fight for it and in the end if it doesn't work out..
It won't be my fault cause we tried and didn't run away..It was just probably the wrong timing or I've just happen to have dated another guy who doesn't know what he wants yet.



So, 2 weeks..all the crying, deep thoughts, worrying, talking to people.. I got my answer..
Someone once told me " why try to worry and control something that is way out of your league?"
You can't do anything now..so why waste your time being negative when you can be happy..Think of this time as a time where you can finally have time to do anything you want alone..something like living the single life only that your partner is 6000miles away.. That's what I'm doing now..just take it easy..dont pressure your partner.. he might just be overwhelmed with everything going on there..6 months of not seeing friends and family, 6 months of not being at a place where he grew up? He needs some catching up.. Let's put it this way, give him space, if he really have feelings for you, eventually he will check up on you..eventually he will realise he misses you and comes back to make things work.. and if he doesn't? why would you wanna hold on to something that doesn't even value your existence? The day you step into a LDR is the day you're putting yourself out for the risk of heartbreaks..but there are chances that it might work out too..so don't loose hope..and the key point is to TRUST.

When my friends asks me " Aren't you afraid he would cheat on you? Download tinder again? Flirt with other girls? Date other girls? Have sex with them?" Asian and caucasian culture is so different..How can you deal with it?? My reply was simple.." Well there's nothing much I can do, I don't know for sure what he's doing neither would I wanna know cause if really he did something, it is just gonna hurt me. The thing is to just TRUST." He made his promise and I believe he is a man of his words. If he said he won't cheat he won't. I believe if he didn't wanna have anything to do with me he would tell me, but for the fact that he stayed despite me being pushy all the time means something. He's always been straightforward and if he doesn't wanna do something he would say it out. But he didn't. Meaning he still wants me around. Conclusion is to just go with the flow and take things easy..if its going to work out eventually it will.. Even though we might not be talking much or he seems to not be so interested in texting right now... Time will prove everything..he might just be in a phase of confusion or some mid 20's crisis.

Yes it hurts knowing your partner doesn't wanna engage with you so often unlike before..but what can you do? Why live your life according to his? If he can live his own life without even letting you be in his way then why do you wanna let him be in your way of your life? As much as you wanna be close to him it doesn't seem to be happening.. Go out! Hang out with your friends, Drink, Smoke, have fun, sleep when you need to, he will come back if he really wants you..he will spark up conversations like how he used to do when he wanted you to be his so badly before. You Don't have to try so hard and keep texting him..let things come naturally..it will work out eventually.. Its like a rubber band..when you pull too hard eventually it breaks.. No rush, take time, see how it goes.. Trust the respect between you two.. if you respect him he will respect you, and if he breaks the trust by going behind your back then it proves he just another Jackass selfish bastard and you don't want this kind of man in your life do you? So LDR is not so bad after all.. it tests you and your partner. Helps both of you see the clear picture of whether you want to be together..see the bad habits and bad side of a person. tests your patience and trust with one another. So don't worry ladies.. take a deep breath.. be the strong woman we are..be happy.. don't overthink and just live life to the fullest ok?

Love keeps one going
Long-distance romance can change a person’s life and in many ways my life is changed. My social life seems largely the same as I go about my daily chores but a lot has changed. It is impossible to text or call him randomly to ask whether he wants to go for a drink, spend the night or whether to take her to dinner or a movie, let alone surprise him with gifts.

Something needs to happen and eventually something will but determining when to move is very tricky. We are still in the dating stage. It seems to me that stress and anxiety are measured in the long term. If I am in a successful long-term relationship or marriage with my boyfriend, these will seem like trivial things worried over too much and I will ask myself why didn’t I live in the moment more. If the relationship does not work out, I might ask myself why did I put myself willingly through so much pain and anxiety. The only answer I can think of is that my boyfriend makes me happy and I love him and sometimes you need to take a gamble in life to realise what its worth for.

Signing off! xx

Turning the page, turn into a new leaf

Hey guys,

So days has passed when my baby boo has left this beautiful city of lights.. His last few days here wasn't exactly the best partly cause of me over reacting and filling his bedsheets with tears. How crazy can a man make a woman huh? Regretting it now but it's too late to turn back..  But at least I tried to make the most out of it the last night we had together :) I kept my promise and I'm proud of myself!

So here's the deal.. when life comes crashing down on you and suddenly you feel lost.. fret not and just believe something out there way better is coming your way! As weak as I feel now, I finally decided to wake up and not mellow in self pity on whether things will work out or about me losing my job etc. Just go with the flow.. keep a positive mind.. everything happens for a reason and never stop believing! When a door closes another one always opens..

Heading out in this world with no sense of direction isn't really the greatest plan but I've been executing it for a while now and there's no way of turning back.. So today when I woke up.. staring at  my baby's messages to me.. I realise I'm losing myself again..like how I did the last time with my ex.. I wanna contribute as much as I can  and I desperately want us to work out until I am on the verge of losing myself! NO THIS IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN AGAIN! No way! So I woke up telling myself.. yes I am confused now.. I lost my compass and now I have no sense of direction! But I'm not going to give up.. I'm not going to depend on a man hoping he will give me solutions cause I'm sure he has his own problems..I don't wanna be spoon fed..I am independant and strong!  I will find my way back to a great career again.. and I will find my way back to the kind of love I deserve.. Just go with the flow.. don't expect things and just keep an open mind!

If he really likes me he will stay, he will make us work.. everything will automatically fall into place! I don't wanna force anything anymore.. I want us to take the slow and steady route.. No more rushing.. And if things don't work out in the end, at least we had a good time together! Melanie has to change and has to see life in a whole new perspective ! Whatever is meant to be will eventually be.. No more drama.. Throwing my past behind and I'm looking forward for new adventures :)

It's time to grow up! ;)
Signing off!

Never feel sorry for giving..

I wonder how many people out there who tend to think they're too stupid to do so much for someone. I think it's pretty common to feel stupid / being used / taken for granted as people nowadays are becoming less appreciative and more calculative. Who to blame? The people around us? The society? The world? I wouldn't know. But sharing and giving your love to someone is never a sin! It's not stupid at all, in fact the ones who doesn't appreciate it are the stupid ones!

I'm no saint but here's one thing that I know, NEVER FEEL SORRY FOR GIVING. 

Unless giving is your way of asking for something. No doubt we all have expectations towards people we care, and we'll get disappointed when things don't turn out the way you expected, but ask yourself, are you giving because you're asking for something? Or you're giving because you can?

When you are giving with your heart, because you can and you care, you are nothing less than greatness. Giving is an luxurious act and only the poor minded ones take it for granted. There's nothing stupid about giving, only stupid people who don't know how to appreciate. 

People make mistakes, getting used to kindness, taking things for granted, but it'll hit them when one day they realise they're missing out something. ( Coming from a person who been there done that. ) Maybe not right away, but it definitely will or even better, you might be the person who taught them to become a better person. Don't blame them for being selfish and unappreciative, because you do not need any negativity to bring you down. You need to learn how to outgrow them, and never turn yourself to be like them because they are stupid and you don't want to be stupid. Forgive them and move on.

Never ever blame yourself for doing good,
Never ever call yourself stupid for doing so.
Be proud of yourself for having a big heart to give and forgive.
Thank yourself.
Thank you for your existence, even if you think you're small and unimportant,
you're certainly important to the world, for spreading kindness from people like you. 

Just a little positivity to brighten up the day.. 

signing out ! Xoxo

Advice me ladies

Is it just me? Or I have issues?

The thing is.. can someone tell this confused kid here how these relationship games work now? I'm pretty messed up here.. Only 21 but I think I've dated quite a number of jerks until I couldn't differentiate among the good and bad ones.. My relationships are no longer then 7months so it's either me who is doing something wrong or guys are plain arseholes.. The only relationships I've been in is guys telling me they love me in the first 2 weeks or month we've been seeing each other and then popped the question for me to be his girlfriend.. So I tend to rush into relationships now.. being impatient when a guy doesn't do as what my perception about how a relationship should be like... gosh.. how do I fix that?

And how can you tell if someone is really into you or not? Is it bad if you feel like the guy isn't really into you and you want to push him away? I just repulse on everything that I think rejects me / not really into me or when I don't feel the love or when I don't get treated the way I wanted to.. To be honest I get afraid and I would just push push PUSH it away to protect myself from all the hurt.. And also cause I don't wanna go through all this bullshit again.. when it happened before there will always be a scar there.. it will fade over time yes, but it takes a heap loads of time for the scar to fade away..
So the memories kind of lingers in your head for awhile and it's like an automated self protection thing to just push the red flag signs away..


And there goes my two loving sisters from another mother worrying about me hoping I will not get hurt by another expat..  they advised me yesterday night and truth be told I knew all of it in my heart.. but there's just that one part in me that would still like to believe in the little 1% possibility of a fairytale that might happen.. I don't want to stop believing that there's someone out there who will be so so crazy about you.. that's wants to know everything about you ... that wouldn't let you cry and wait... I've always been the one waiting so helplessly like a fool and that when someone wants me to wait again my brain says " Hell no!" But I wait anyways.. pathetic right? But like the saying goes.. love is blind... blinds me as though my eyeballs are no longer attached to my eyes! So conclusion is I'm in a state of self denial cause I know the facts, I know what would probably happen, I can tell if something is fishy, I know and I can just tell if we are going to work out ( I think my predictions and jinx are pretty accurate :D just saying, my six senses are working so fine I wish it can lie to me too)  and I know what I should do,  I know for the fact that if I don't get the treatment I deserve or if it's just that tiny part of me that doesn't feel happy cause he isn't treating me the way I want to I should reject.. I know all of this but it is the execution part which is hard.. and then I lie to myself again thinking that there might be someone who is different.. self denial!!!

So how now?
I'm so bad in handling relationships.. or how I should slow down and not over react.. or how I shouldn't chase the good ones away? Not all girls like the bad boys! Or what should I even do now?

Gosh....
To think for the fact that when I finally met a really good guy and he has to fly away 1000000 miles away from me.. but to my surprise he wanted to try the long distance thing.. that's really new to me and it's scary.. scariest feeling ever is not knowing what you're stepping in to... and when I get scared I just wanna push it away again and hide! Run away to another country ... yes I have social anxiety.. my confident sexy face is just a mask that hides all the insecurities and stupid thoughts.. I'm shy and I'm not confident.. my make up is my shield to make me feel confident .. yes I think I'm a phsycopath xD SO HOW NOW BROWN COW?! what should I do?! Where can I find a man that won't get tired of my bullshit.. Where can I find a man who will make me feel safe again?! How can I stop my eyes from crying cause I'm tired of myself crying !! Feeling lost clueless confused.. my career wise is a mess too.. so uncertain of the directions I'm going to now and it's scary !! Can someone hold my hand and guide me? I'm so tired of pretending I'm strong when I'm weak as f**k!! Ahhhhhhhhgggghhh ...
For goodness sake take my hand and guide me! Sigh ...

All these thoughts are driving me cray cray so I'm going to stop thinking and sign off!
Jeez I've been hiding under the covers for over an hour!
Time to get up!

The emotional turbulence of a crush.

What do you do when you messed up?
It feels like everything I do is messed up..
So messed up until I chased away the one thing that made me smile like no other can.. the one that gives me warmth when I wake up next to him.. the one person that gives me fireworks in my stomach when our lips touch..

Being miles and miles apart this insecurity and fear strikes me so hard again.. the emotions comes flooding in and then BOOM! I fucked up again...

Can someone pull me out from this pool I'm drowning in? I just wanna feel free again.. I just wanna be with someone with no fear whatsoever.. can someone actually see that I'm trying my very best to get out of it? Please reach out and grab me out from this pool I'm drowning in.. please god, send me someone patient enough to deal with me.. cause I'm starting to feel all so small again..

But well I guess u can't take back what you said and there's nothing much I can do about it anymore.. Just go with the flow and hope for the best! I believe if I'm really worth it somebody someday will come back and continue an adventure with me.. As much as I hope for a miracle to happen.. somethings are just meant to be and meant to happen for a reason... Learn from the mistakes Melanie and grow up! Everyday is a learning process and like my tattoo tells me everyday.. "Never give up" . Some people are meant to be in your life for a reason, to teach you a lesson, some is a blessing for sure.. A blessing in disguise maybe? Trying to stay positive and looking forward for whatever ahead of me!



Stay strong Melanie!
Signing off :)

And the adventures begins..

My cheesy pick up line on tinder says;
" Let's go on an adventure together aye? ;)"
He said, " let's do it! "
I wasn't so convinced at first but I said ok anyways and never did regretted it.

So the adventures begins....
Here's how it started..

He's sweet, He's a gentleman, he's another scary dream that seems too good to be true. But I like it anyways.. Honestly which girl wouldn't fall for such a charming guy? It isn't always about the looks or the money after all.. All it takes is good manners and the way he treats a lady.. No doubt he's doing it right.. For all I knew, girls kept sticking to him.. Hence the nightmare..

Of course from my past, I have major issues with my men with other girls.. The fear stucks to my brain like super glue and the anxiety strikes so often that I'm afraid to step in so I kept pushing the one thing that finally seems right in my life again.. the one thing that puts butterflies in my stomach.. the one guy that makes me smile but also scares me to death.. the fear of getting hurt or dumped again seems to haunt me.. But he seems to be so attracted somehow and doesn't seem like he was going to leave.. so I took the leap of faith to try.. maybe we could go somewhere.. This time round seems so different.. feels exciting.. anticipating on what we will go through.. He was so fun to be with I didn't really wanna let go..But the fact that the sparks will wear out some day bothers me..and True enough if you don't let go of the past, you'll bring the past along with you.. our relationship hit downfall on the 2nd month.. not surprising after all.. as It was imprinted in my brain that men is going to cheat and that feelings won't last forever.. Dissapointing but not surprised.. was so upset but at the same time I couldn't really feel the pain cause I'm probably used to it.. Again tears shed down.. and I just didn't wanna hope or believe again..

But then being me, I didn't wanna give up... I somehow still choose to believe that there is good in everyone.. everybody makes mistakes and I'm not any better than he is.. The reason why he did it was unclear but I guess some thing's are better left unsaid.. and so I chose to forgive despite the people around me calling me an idiot for doing that.. the saying goes once a cheater is always a cheater.. but does it count for a person who did it the first time probably out of curiousity? Who really knows? There was just something so charming about him I didn't wanna let go.. there was this curiousity in me wanting to know what happens next if I gave him another chance? There is still something in me that wants to prove myself and my thoughts  wrong all this while.. And I really hope someone could prove it to me.. There is still hope in relationships and there is someone to grow old with in this world..Call me naive but  I choose to forgive.. In this short period ,  surprisingly he's taught me to learn how to love myself more, guides me to grow up, teaches me to control my emotions better, making me responsible and because of that , the more I want to stick around him to see where we would go.

I mean where in the world to find such a guy who brings out the best in you, supports you and who's so patient with me being a bitch? So far in a 1000 he's one of the ones you hardly meet.. and I have never felt so comfortable being around someone in a long long while.. So once you forgive a person, the next thing you would do is to change and let things be it's way.. whatever that is meant to be will be.. I'm trying my best to not overthink and brush things aside.. taking things easy as it's still a long way more for me in life.. Thoughts of him doing it again haunts me but I guess when you choose to forgive someone you have to trust them again...Relationships are never easy..it's not just about the feelings but whether you want to make it work and commit... Eventhough I don't  know what we are now, we've never really talked about it after the arguments and confusions about the dating terms.. and the fact that he's going back to his motherland , where would this leads us? No one can really answer.. But what I know is I'm happy being around him, I like this guy and Its the best thing that happened to me in a while.. I would say a blessing in disguise..My backbone at this very moment..And this is a start of an adventure I would wanna go on with him  and see where we would be in future..

Sometimes things happens for a reason.. to make us stronger maybe.. or just an obstacle to see if we can make It through.. For all I know, Things are great now and I am appreciating the time I have with him.. I feel liberated and happy again! I thank god everyday for every blessing in my life that teaches me and guides me through life lessons.. Going on holiday trips with him is a bliss.. Little surprises from him makes my heart tingles..Waking up next to him makes my day.. The best thing is that when he stares into my eyes complimenting me everyday even when I'm not in my very best shape makes me feel warm in every way.. Finally someone can accept me for who I am and appreciates me for being alive in this world.. I'm truly blessed and I can never ask for more...

So here goes our little adventure together! Let's hope the next blog post will be a good one too!
Signing off! Xoxo!

Looking back

Finally it's the phase where every woman goes through after a breakup, the phase where we've moved on and suddenly on this one fine day u just wake up and wondered the could'ves and couldn'ts .. Looking back not because we wanted things to go back like how it used to but just for the sake of it as it slipped into our nut heads..

Today waking up in Qing dao, nearly 10000miles away from home base, staring at the walls when I woke up.. I had the urge to blog after thinking of all the unnecessary crap that was running wild in my coconut head... All of this thoughts slipped into me after reading a post from some dude that went viral for posting some nudity crap online and was trying to bail out of it.. And he dumped the girl he was with in the video.. Well basically he was trying to explain himself and it hit me.. Like what if my ex had a different story too? Anyways in case you're wondering u can read the article here ( http://www.worldofbuzz.com/notorious-alvin-tan-explains-side-story-left-vivian-face-jail-alone/) 

Back to my story, it struck me; why didn't we be friends like how we agreed to after the break up? What made us so sour n bitter? What was he offended about in our last conversation when I was just trying to be direct to get debts settled and move on? I was so confused! I wasn't rude tho.. But somehow he took it the wrong way and we ended up blocking each other on social media and now we only can contact through email..

And after all this, I always put the blame on him like he's a total Arse, he's a liar, he pushed me all the way to Singapore n left me there in a place I didn't wanna be in.. And I blamed him for being selfish despite his good will to help me get to a better place then my own country where I earn double the money but still it wasn't where I wanted to be.. I mean yes he wanted to help me but he didn't stand on my side and think about where I wanted to be.. And if he wanted to leave me initially Why did he stop me from chasing my dreams and put me in another place I didn't want to? And there was so many other things that happened in that few months after we broke up  ( I still think he's an Arse even after I wrote this paragraph *roll eyes* ) 

But then it hit me, like what if he had his own side of the story and it's the total opposite from mine? Oh gosh this just gets more and more complicating as I go on.. 

He was the first guy I ever dated that was so legit I wanted it to work out.. It started out with me just trying out when he wanted the relationship so badly and weirdly it ended the opposite.. He was the kind of fairytale guy where he grants u with all the things and experience you never expected owning or living with ever! I felt so over the moon like some rich bitch that don't have to ever worry about money ever! He was good and charming, loving, kind and bla bla the list goes on.. He helped me so much in so many ways no doubt and I am so grateful and I appreciate it in every single way.. But Things just got carried away in the end.. When I had trouble with work and all the negativity started to flood my mind I became such a negative aura and I lost the passion I had in my job.. The company was in bad shape and with all the corruption going on in the country it was just so negative.. I became a dull soul just trying to pass life as it is.. And I guess he felt it too.. He did mention I wasn't the same as when he met me.. I was depressed solely depending on him I had no backbone and now to think of it I actually contributed to my break up.. It was my fault too.. 

I quit my job and was jobless for a month.. He works from home so basically  I see him all day n night... I was such a lifeless bitch I didn't even go out with anyone and I dedicated all my time to him.. I cooked and cleaned and then he plays his PS4 while I watch my movies .. It became a pattern that we lost all sparks and excitement that a dating couple was suppose to feel.. I dragged him down with my negativity.. This was definitely one of the reasons he repelled from me.. And then there was Christmas that came along, he went back to the UK; I started hanging out with my friends again since he wasn't around.. I guess it was time away from each other before I left to Singapore for my new job.. And it was a good thing he didn't bring me back to the UK with him.. I would just be some clingy bitch that can never stand up again..looking back now I was a horrible person with no soul.. All relying on him.. That's when alvins post I shared up there hit me so hard.. I was invading his space , I didn't give him air to breathe and he tolerated this crap for a month plus..not only that he couldn't even go anywhere to avoid seeing me as I was living with him.. And I would've felt weird if he were to do things without me .. He did wanted to have drinks alone with his friends but I insisted to come.. And when he didn't wanna bring me I would say why didn't he wanna bring me out with his friends anymore? Alvins blog post was somehow reflecting on me too!! Gosh I'm such an idiot..

 I totally lost it.. I couldn't even think for myself.. I couldn't even make a decision for myself.. I lost my entire soul to him.. I wasn't the Melanie I used to be..it was really just not his mistake entirely but mine too.. I think I contributed more mistakes then he did.. How love can make u so blind and drag u down to hell without even realising..Nonetheless it's over now.. I guess we just forgive and forget; Learn from it and move on. 

So there it is.. Case solved.. I got my answer to the question of why didn't we work out when things seemed so perfectly good.. It was good to me cause it became a daily pattern I was so accustomed to him and to him maybe it was the opposite... There was love but it died when I lost myself in between..  So thank you alvin for a good post that kinda woke me up! 

And today I'm glad we didn't work out anyways..I'm learning to love myself again and to concentrate on what I want in life.. Finding back the person I used to be.. I'm starting to feel the joy I lost in me and feel the passion I had in me again.. my confidence is back as I'm able to social with so many people and flirt around haha I definitely love myself more and I've grown to be a much stronger person.. And I know I don't need to depend on a man for a good life cause being single is fabulous too! Having a man around that loves u is a privilege/ a bonus. But not someone u have to depend on and throw him your entire life and make him be responsible over your life.. A bf doesn't owe u anything but he's more to a companion.. You will just turn out to be a lazy woman with no passion, soul or attitude who just wants life to pass as it is and Let a man make life decisions for u.. But where's the fun in life then?? You might as well be a barbie doll or a plush toy and he's your owner who takes care of u..I've experienced being this kinda woman and I don't think I want to ever drown in this feeling ever again!!! There was just no sparks in my own life too.. Not even a single excitement when I wake up.. That feeling sucks!! 

So Overall it was a great lesson to learn.. So thank you mr.D for this life changing experience.. You'll never come across this post ever but maybe when u die one day and u go to heaven and God reveals it to u then you'll know ;) or maybe somehow someone from somewhere shows it to you haha. I still hope one day you'll realise I'm not a crazy nutcase then we could still be friends.. 

That's all for today guys!

Signing off! 

Xx 

The day I realised..

It's been awhile.. 

Finally I'm back to blog..

Recently I've learnt.. Appreciate life and be grateful.. Despite what you have now.. Don't forget where you come from and just be humble.. Things come and go so don't take advantage of it..appreciate what you have..

One part of time I met this guy who was perfect.. Not on looks or body but with great personality.. From the beginning it started out as just a rebound.. Someone to fuck around with.. But as time passed he mesmerised me with his charming personality.. Never have I felt so touched for such a long time.. No one has ever treated me the way he did.. The me who gave up on love believed it existed again.. He promised, he dedicate, he was the one. He pampers me and provides me with a life that I don't need to worry about.. 

Gosh.. This is not an easy post to write 

*teary eyes*

But well when you're so overly pampered sometimes you get blinded by all that's around you.. And yes I forgot where I came from and who I was.. The independent me disappeared.. Having the thought that I could depend on this man like finally.. So naive.. And now when it's gone I realised the mistakes I have made which is a very good lesson to learn.. In every walk of life nothing is permanent, as much as you want to find a person you can depend on and just be lazy, you can't! You have to fight in life and the moment you let your guards down that's the time when everything shatters.. 

The day when he left me.. I was shattered.. Lost.. Disappointed.. And constantly wondered if what he say was true or not.. Back then until now I believe it was real.. Not lies.. we both got so comfortable with each other we just lost our sparks.. Doesn't mean the love wasn't there at first.. And it came to my mind finally to realise that being in a relationship is not easy.. Love is not enough.. It takes effort to keep the Sparks going.. It takes time.. And the mistake was I rushed into things.. 

And now when I date other men.. There's no one like him.. And how I wish I can turn the time back.. But life has to go on.. I have to stop my self pity.. Pick myself back up and move on.. 

What I realised now is.. I'm an over sentimental person.. I'm afraid of being lonely.. I'm desperate for love and company of a person.. To the extend I scare off men or just blindly date the red flags.. But that's no excuse.. So I've decided to change.. Love myself and think of me first.. Let love come it's way.. It's mine will be mine.. I'm trying to put my career first and hopefully the next time I blog.. It'll be a good one.. I'll be working for my dream airline.. Things will be great!

And MEL! Stop putting your feelings in so fast or showing it so obviously! Control please! Something I have to really learn.. 

And in loving memories of our relationship..

You will be missed.. I am grateful for all you have provided me even up to today you didn't stop... You didn't shut me out completely.. You're really a great guy.. I'm so happy you've met someone new who could bring happiness to you.. And I sincerely wish good luck to you.. I really appreciate and cherish the moments we had.. And it's a pity we couldn't workout

 Hence I know and still believe someone is out there for me.. I pray and hope one day I'll be the queen to someone's heart 💪🏻💪🏻 

Don't give up girls! When times are hard it's usually just a challenge! Good things are about to come.. You just have to be patient.. I'm trying to stay strong and I know u guys can too! Talk to friends or sisters or even your family it helps! <3

P/s: next time when you wanna write an emotional post do not listen to sad songs .. I literally wet my eyes in the mrt haha.. And shit cause I'm going for a dinner date my make up is melted lol.. 

Signing out!