Never Give Up!

Nope, don't you dare!
Something my heart screams when my brain tells me to give up.

My recent encounter with a certain someone whom I have a serious crush on told me the reason he didn't fancy me. He said I wasn't ambitious enough..I always seem to be "going with the flow". I don't plan well. I don't have future goals. Basically I am walking on clouds just wishing that things will be okay and we will encounter the days as and when it comes. News flash! Doesn't mean I don't mention about my goals everyday meaning I don't have one. Doesn't mean I don't talk much about my goals and dreams to you so often meaning I'm not ambitious! I do have plans but I just like to remain silent! What a nasty thing for one to say to reject a girls love for him isn't it? I was shattered thinking this man don't deserve me. Doesn't blardy appreciates me as I am. No longer sees the passion and fire that lives in me just cause I lost my job and I'm hanging by a thread at the moment. This bastard forgot what he saw in me on the few first weeks when we first met on Tinder. Dude, you were the one heads over heels for me when I was ignoring your messages. Such a shame. People tend to just want to be in someone's life when it is all good, successful and glamorous. Selfish. What about the time when a certain someone is climbing up the ladder to success? Nobody wants to be there. People wants the easy way out all the time and not wanting to be apart of the climb. I really wonder is there a person in the world that would stand by you when you're at rock bottom, supports you and encourages you to aim for your dreams? Is there another Victoria Beckham out there for me if I was David Beckham? From nothing to a huge success with relationship goals all girls dream of. Sigh.

For a naive being like me, when I have fallen for someone it takes me ages to let go. The fire in me burns brighter wanting me to keep going. Ironically this is how I suffer. Remaining positive thinking theres always a chance if you don't give up! It will come true if you keep on trying! It'll be worth it when the day comes. Even after he said such nasty remarks, I still hope for something to happen. Silly right?  But honestly, I'm crushed on the inside, feeling down (reason why I'm blogging), thinking of giving up, thinking about where I would be in the coming months? So while trying to keep my spirits up, here's what I wanna say to myself. Like that tattoo on my left pelvic says. NEVER GIVE UP.

I know and believe my goals in me. I know want I've always wanted in life. It may not seem like I am doing much but the passion in me is so strong. I know where I want to be in life and I will work for it. I won't give up and watch me! Watch me make it to the top! To work for one of the best airlines in history. To travel the globe! I'm just on the other side waiting for my time to rise and shine. That day will come I just know it. Others may not be able to see it or understand. But I never take my life lightly. I will never settle down for a job I don't like. Its all or nothing for me and I will always try my very best to make it work. I trust that if I keep trying one day I will be right where I want to be.

Looking back, my life working as a mas stewardess was the start of my career and one of the best working experience I ever had. I failed the interview twice but on my third attempt, finally I was in! I still remember how excited I was finally starting my career as a cabin crew. The feeling was extraordinary. When a goal is completed, the feeling you get is so great. An achievement and I never thought I would be where I was. So today, I believe I would make it into my dream airline. Hopefully in 2017. But I will not give up trying. NEVER.

So to the people who can't see my passion and ambition or even my life goals. You don't deserve an amazing woman like me. Though my feelings will still remain for you, but you have deeply disappointed me and I don't think I can ever live with myself if I don't prove you wrong. I'm persistent in the things I want and I aim for it. You just reignite the fire in me and oh god damn it is burning so much so it can burn down the entire country! I will prove it to you and everyone who doesn't think I could achieve it. I will.

In the area of relationships,
I've told myself so many times, one after another guy that this will be my last. I always dreamt of having a long lasting relationship. Being with someone who makes me so happy and overwhelmed is just the cherry on top of an ice cream! And when I date someone I considered and think through it before I actually say yes because I want the certain someone to be my last date and my forever person. I always known how I felt without a doubt and I wondered how some people can be confused with their own feelings? Dating another new person is so exhausting especially when you have to get to know a person all over again. Sigh. Yet again,There's so much more in life for me to look forward to. So much more people for me to meet if this relationship didn't work out. Of course there is always opportunities. Nonetheless, me being me, stubborn like a bull, when I fall hard it takes a long time for me to move on. So I'm guessing this is going to take me a year or two to finally let go. But I won't give up either! I'm a good catch and I know that. Someday I will find a man who will be so entirely fond of me. As much as I wish it was him, I no longer dare to hope or dream of anything to be with him after he said those words. Nope not gonna let my heart get shattered  again as it already is. Its proven he doesn't want me in his life but hey its ok :) I do believe when you love someone, they don't have to be with you nor do you have to force things to work out. I will continuously love him the way I always did and wish him all the best. Silently love him and admire him from afar is the least I could do. I will always be there supporting him and being ready to talk to him as and when he needed me even though he isn't treating me the way I am to him. But really, its okay! I believe that you treat people the way you want to be treated, maybe he doesn't but the next one might! Not gonna be despair by the little challenges in life! At least I had the opportunity to be with him before, I'm satisfied and contented and I will cherish those memories while waiting for my next knight in shining armour to appear and swoop me off my feet into the next adventure of my life.

For the time being while this silent mission is going on, I'm going to focus on myself and love my life even more. Good things are coming! I just know it :)

Signing off!
xx